Thursday, January 13, 2011

I think my appliances are over-compensating

I have your typical small appliances, microwave, toaster, mixer, espresso machine. Some spend their days on the counter (a huge peeve of mine, by the way) and some stay nicely hidden away in the cupboards. The toaster sits out on the counter. I'm not sure why. It is not like we use it all that often. Maybe, that is the problem. Maybe, it feels neglected. Maybe, it feels like though it has earned a place of honor on the counter top that if it doesn't work hard enough it will be relegated to the cupboard. Why do I think it has motives beyond toasting bread? Because, it burns the bread, every.single.time!

Conversation with JR this am:
Me: I think the toaster is over-compensating.

JR: Huh?

Me: You know, it doesn't get much use. It's sort of ignored. We set stuff on top of it when we run out of counter space. 

JR: What does all that have to do with over-compensating?

Me: It always burns the toast. Hence, it's over-compensating. It probably says to itself; "Oh my Gawd! She put bread in me. Okay, no pressure but I'm going to have to toast this bread like it's no tomorrow. So well that she never thinks to relegate me to the cupboard where I'll never see the light of day." See over-compensating.

JR: Wasn't there a anxiety ridden toaster in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

Me: I don't think so. Are you thinking of the bunch of petunias?

JR: No. I'm sure there was a toaster.

Me: I don't remember but if you say so.

JR: What are you going to do about the toaster?

Me: I'm thinking about having a stern come to Jesus talk with it.

JR: Could you include the microwave because that bitch is just as bad.



  1. My appliances plan mutinies all the time. The refrigerator tried last year and got itself replaced--the rest of the appliances took notice and have been behaving, mostly. Our toaster burns one side of the bread lots of the time. I don't really like the toaster.

  2. Oh, my kitchen counters would drive you bonkers - all of my appliances with the exception of the hand mixer, crock pot and waffle iron sit on it. They do get a lot of use, though. Well, except for the toaster - since Beloved and I gave up grains, the only person who uses it is The Young One, and maybe only once or twice a week.

    It's behaving fairly well, so I guess I'll keep it there.

  3. I love that JR goes with it without missing a beat!

  4. Ha...That made me laugh out loud. Cheers to you both...and your appliances!!

  5. You'd think with all the technological advances we've made somebody could build a toaster that toasts like it's supposed to.

  6. I'll bet that is about a quarter of what you really have.
    Do you have a toasted sandwich maker. Remember that thing from the 80's that turned cheese and tomatoes into molten lave. What about a wand blender for chopping up small stuff. A coffee grinder. Ahh never mind I'm getting a headache thinking about all the cash incinerated.
    The trick with the toaster is the thermostat. Run it empty just once at full blast. Then turn it to whatever you want.

  7. My toaster works fine, but the crumbs that collect make it a necessary counter stealer. My coffee maker, in use all the time, also sits on the counter. And Ruby, my precious mixer, sits there because she's just beautiful. I like to look at her. (Is that a problem?)

  8. Your appliances are turning on you!