Wednesday, June 12, 2013

My cardio workout - a pie chart

I thought that I'd give you a little look see into my cardio workout. I subject do this workout every other day. Because I hate myself want to get into shape.

I title these days
50 Minutes of Hell

This is how the voice in my head works. Notice I didn't say voices. Those voices abandon me as soon as I step onto the elliptical. And, I hate them for it.

 Warm-up (10 minutes), cruising along at about 5.5 mph with a slight resistance of 3.
  • This is easy.
  • A few more weeks and you are going to look awesome.
  •  Oh look! That young kid is going half as fast as you are. (yes, I'm not above this kind of statement.)
  • You are awesome.
Kicking it up (10 minutes), speeding up to 6 mph and raising the resistance to 5.
  • Oh yeah! You can do this ALL DAY long.
  • The Tax Man...oh oh oh the tax man. (Beatles tunes makes some of the best workout tunes)
  • Work it baby
  • Come on baby...twist and shout. come on come on baby it on out.
  • Damn girl, next thing you know you'll be running a marathon. (lying to yourself is an important component to motivation)
You are so awesome (15 minutes), keeping the same speed but ratcheting up the resistance to 7
  • You got the ole heart rate up to the anaerobic range. Nice work!
  • What the hells the difference between aerobic and anaerobic again?
  • Who cares
  • Ha! the young kid on the trainer next to me just quit. Wuss
  • Yeah - The house is a rockin' don't bother knockin'  Yeah - The house is a rockin' don't bother come on in (Stevie Ray is cool)
  • You are more than half way done.
  • Just 20 more minutes left including cool down.
OMFG what were you thinking (5 minutes), same speed 6mph but just upped the resistance to an ungodly 10.
  • Holy shit
  • You are too damn old for this
  • What was that song? I couldn't even hear it over my wheezing
  • Dammit! I hate getting sweat in my eyes
  • 3 more minutes
  • 2 and a half more minutes
  • Jesus when will this end
  • 30 seconds...20, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
 You so suck (5 minutes) same speed, lowered the resistance back down to 7
  • Why do you do that to yourself
  • Don't tell me to slow down to lower my heart rate you stupid machine.
  • Hey where did we go, Days when the rains came (Van is so smooth)
  • Nike DryFit wicks the sweat away my ass
  • Have I been singing out loud this whole time?
  • No because I haven't been able to freaking breathe.  
Thank You Jesus (5 minutes) staring to cool down. lower my speed to 5 mph with the resistance at 5
  • Why don't I wear a headband? It would at least keep the sweat out of my eyes
  • Damn that stings!
  • Layla, you've got me on my knees. Layla, I'm begging, darling please. (Eric, I love you)
  • Now, that wasn't so bad.
  • The hell is wasn't.
  • But if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow. (back to the Beatles)
  • See! That wasn't so bad.
  • The hell is wasn't. 
  • You know you just repeated yourself.
  • Yeah, I know...shut up.
Another five minutes for the real cool down and I'm done. 

While  I have to say I don't really enjoy this special time on the trainer I do like the results. When I first started 4 weeks ago I could only do 30 minutes at no more than 4.5 mph and the resistance set a 1. Now, I'm kicking out 4 to 5 or more miles in 50 minutes. I no longer count the 5 minute cool down as time served and I'm pretty smug.

Be groovy, 
(Yes, I do listen to a whole lot of 60s music while working out.)



  1. AHAHAHAHA! You are my hero.

    That is all.


    1. I'm not sure about hero but if you can take away anything from this rant than Good on you!

  2. That sounds like every workout I've ever done, ever.

    1. It's like...rinse and repeat.

    2. That was my thought, too, Keely.

      Next week, I start swimming. Thank god I enjoy it...

  3. I don't listen to music when I run. Maybe I should start. I do watch my position in the park and my inner monolog sounds quite similar. Very positive at the start, by the end WHY WHY WHY????
    Then I go home and find that my pants fit better and Oh, yeah, that's why.

    1. I have noticed that my clothes fit much better than they did just 3 weeks ago. So there is that.

  4. You are an inspiration to all of us!