Memories - Like the corners of my mind

If my mind had corners,
I guess.
I'm not sure what that means.
Whatever.

Memories are funny things. Somethings I remember like they happened yesterday and other things, like what I had for lunch (veggie chili, BTW), I don't. But, of those things I remember this stands out.

A little context:
Eddie - my father in law
Mago - my mother in law

The story,

One afternoon I was working in my kitchen, doing what I'm not sure (I see something I don't remember). Probably washing dishes. It seems like when the boys were young and I was a SAHM I was always doing dishes. That or laundry or cooking or cleaning the bathrooms. I heard a knock on the door.

On my doorstep was Eddie. He was wearing his usual attire, a plaid flannel shirt, blue jeans, that hung off his waist just a little bit, like he had lost weight or something, and a cap. He was the last person that I expected at my doorstep.

Me: Hi Eddie
Eddie: Hi
Me: Come on in. Do you want some tea?
Eddie: Sure
Me: What brings you here?
Eddie: Just a few things I need to clean up.
Me: Oh
Eddie: Not here. Somewhere else. I just thought I'd stop in.
Me: Where's Mago?
Eddie: She's not here
Me: Uh uh. Do you want to walk down to the mailbox with me?
(walking down to the mailbox was something that Eddie and I did everyday for 10 years. I started to walk with him to the mailbox when he started going through my mail when he went by himself. This wouldn't have been a problem except that he would hit the garbage can before giving it to me. Grocery sales flyers - into the trash. Reports from the kid's school - into the trash. Credit card bills, yep - into the trash. Eddie deemed them a waste. I deemed them necessities. It was a philosophical difference we just couldn't overcome. hence, my walking with him to the mailbox.)

Eddie: Sure

Eddie and I walk down to the mailbox, dogs and chickens trailing along. Chatting about the boys, what a great job JR was doing on the yard, and all the other mundane things that people talk about when they walk along.

On our way back up to the house, (our mailbox was a couple of hundred feet from the house. So it was a nice little jaunt for us) I asked the question that would define the whole experience.

Me: Since Mago is not here, where is she?
Eddie: She didn't know I was coming.
Me: Why not? Aren't you together?
Eddie: no
Me: Where is she?
Eddie: She's somewhere else.
Me: Why is she somewhere else?
Eddie: Where you are is all about faith. She had more faith so she's somewhere else.
Me: Oh, can you change?
Eddie: No, it's all about faith. I've gotta go. Bye
Me: Bye, Eddie. It was great seeing you.

And he walked away and I woke up.

This would have been an interesting conversation to have with Eddie because on a whole he wasn't too deep but since he had died the week before it was rather profound and it effected me greatly.

My memory of this event, I hesitate to call it a dream, is so clear that I can conjure it up in it's entirety even today, 15 years later.

I have my own interpretation of what Eddie meant by his statement that it was all about faith but I'll let you decided for yourself what you think he meant. Because, I believe that we each have to come to faith (in whatever; religion, ourselves, mankind, etc) by ourselves.

This memory was provided by Eddie in conjunction with the Sprite's Keeper Spin Cyclists.

Love,
M