Tuesday, February 22, 2011

RTT - I have this visual I just can't get out of my head


It seems that our fearless leader Keely is out of commission because of a malicious computer virus. Don't people,
and when I say people I mean those computer types that can write code
and when I say those computer types that can write code I mean the ones that can do it without drinking,
and when I say without drinking I mean alcohol,
know they should only use their code writing powers for good?

According to the stats thingy on Blogger (who I hate but I have a fairly committed relationship with mostly because I'm too lazy to cheat on it with another blog platform) one of the top ten searches that will get you to my blog this week is 'dildo attachment for a kitchenaid mixer'. This is a visual that I just can't get out of my head and one that I have given way too much thought as to the mechanics, marketing, and the disclaimer of. How to design something like this is not that hard to figure out but how do you take into account the setting up of this appliance for home use? Have you got a kitchenaid mixer? Those suckers are heavy. The contortions required to pull off this stunt would baffle a circus contortionist turned porn star. I am fairly certain that the difficult logistics would far outweigh any possible pleasure but then I maybe wrong. It certainly seems that I am with the number of people who search for this particular item.

Then I start to wonder how one would market something like this, adult stores, the internet, the kitchen supply store? Would the kitchen supply store put it behind the counter wrapped in brown paper like the magazine stores do with the Playboys? And, would anyone have the brass cojones to ask the sales associate to; ring one up for them? Would the sales associate break an eardrum holding their breath hard enough so they don't laugh? Is that a legitimate Workers Compensation injury?

What should the disclaimer say? WTF were you thinking? Using this product as it was designed may cause serious injury. Do not attempt while standing, siting, or lying down. Using the maximum speed will likely result in injury to affected area. Not designed for commercial use.

That leads me to start thinking of the battalion of lawyers that Kitchenaid would have to have on retainer because you know, sure as shit, that some idiot is going to run that baby on Kitchenaid warp speed and hurt themselves. Let the lawsuits fly! I can just hear one of the lawyers say; "your Honor I'd like to introduce the dildo in question as exhibit A, but ewwww".

See? I have spent too much time thinking of this search string.

I went on an epic house cleaning binge this weekend and I'm paying the price in sore muscles today. In this case the pain was totally worth it. I can breath now that the dog fur is gone. I swear to all things doggie that that Corgie sheds like 6 dogs. The tops of my baseboards have never looked this good. I even dusted the tops of the door frames. I KNOW! I was obsessed or possessed or something. At the end of this frenzy of domesticness everyone got a bath. Not all at the same time, of course. Me, JR, both dogs and the cat.

The indignities that this poor kittah suffers is great.

That's ta ta ta all folks. Tomorrow I'll announce the winners of the recordable book. The day after that I have another installment of My misspent youth, where I explain why I hate snakes. Then Friday is history day. See ya'll around.



  1. OMG I remember giving our two cats baths. It took them years before they forgave us. LOL

  2. I wish you would send me some of your energy so I could get my house cleaned. I do the swish and swipe method lately. We live with the dog hair - why I keep buying black clothes is beyond me.

  3. I quite enjoyed your train of thought there about the, er, attachment. Happy Tuesday!

  4. Everytime my hound slash sheepdog shakes herself there is a cloud of hair on the wind. There are times that I'm convinced there is a slash sheep in there someplace.
    I went a bit nuts one day last Autumn and pulled out the useless magnifying-glass/reading light combo and discovered she has twelve hair to each follicle.
    A Kenwood Chief has room for attachments that I've never seen.

  5. I don't know what made me twitch more, the dildo thing (I own a KitchenAid and, like you, have trouble figuring out how that would work) or the thought of dusting the tops of the door frames in my house.

  6. Now I know why we get along so well - our minds both travel the same....interesting...path! ;) And now I have to figure out how to scrub that KitchenAid image from my head, especially when I see mine sitting on the counter.

    Mother Nature, Annoying Neighbors, Dino Fun - RTT

  7. Thanks for the indelible mental image for the kitchenaid mixer in my kitchen. I will never be able to look at it again without wondering about the logistics of alternate uses. So thanks. Thanks so much ;)

  8. I think the Kitchenaid dildo manufacturers should hire you to do some market research. You're very thorough in your contemplations. lol. Also, ewww.

  9. My poor Kitchen Aid.. Hey! I dusted the door frames too! It was either that or paint the dust into it permanently...

  10. I could understand dildo attachments for vacuum cleaners, but not Kitchenaids.

  11. BAH AHA HHAAA HA! Love the cat photo! I'm sure the cat didn't

    My cat, Sam, loves to take baths. Weird isn't he.


  12. I can't get past the mixer attachment either. I'm not sure I approve of that apparatus.

    Wet kitties. That'll get you some google searches for sure.

  13. You are so funny! Now I'M going to be spending far too much time thinking about the various aspects of that dildo attachment thing. Yikes.

  14. I got one except it was an attachment for a reciprocating saw.

    Um, ow?