Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Menopause - A Word That Means the World to Me

I've been around the world, you bet, and have gone to too much school

Hard knocks are all I seem to get, perhaps I've been a fool;

But still, some educated folks, supposed to be so swell,

Would fail if they were called upon a simple word to spell.

Now if you'd like to put me to the test,

There's one name that I can spell the best!

M = is for the mood swings that are plaguing me. Pitying JR is perfectly acceptable.

E = is for the ever growing hair on my chin.

N = is for NOT being fertile anymore. Grandma at 50? Yes. Mommy at 50, NO!

O = is for the occasional hot flashes that always seem to happen when I’m in an important meeting.

P = is for the irregular periods that surprise me at the worst possible times. Like every time I’m out of town.

A = is for increased abdominal fat. My excuse for gaining 10 pounds.

U = is for the udder-like look of my breasts these days.

S = is for sleep disturbances which is a pretty way of saying I’m up all frickin’ night every night.

E = is for the education in vaginal lubricants I’ve been given.

Put them all together they spell MENOPAUSE, a word that means a hellish world to me.



  1. HA. Well done. Although I could have done without the vaginal lubricant line. Okay, no I couldn't. Good Luck with all that. Cheers Michele!!

  2. Oh honey, I can relate to all of these. Menopause sucks a big one.

  3. Suffering right there along with you, dear...

  4. So am I. I was noticing the other day though, that my hair has stopped growing. Everywhere. ewww......

    My spare tire is driving me to distraction. The worst thing so far. (ha. I just caught the subtle pun there. It is pretty good.)

  5. This had me ROFLMAO! Because I can relate to each and every one.

  6. AHAHAHAHAHA that's hilarious...I keep waiting for the moment because I KNOW it will be dramatic:-) wishing you a lovely whiskey sour to help you along!

  7. B=Brilliant!
    Love the way you put it!

  8. This has an ever greater fear in me of the dreaded "M"!!! Thanks forthe laugh tho!

  9. I'm only about one step behind you honey. Things are starting to dry up and head south.

  10. I think this should be on a plaque in every woman's doctor's office! You've done a much better job explaining the big M than most doctors ever do!

  11. Aww. You can have my irregular periods and hot flashes any time you want. That way, you'd be fertile again. Like you'd want more kids.

    Sorry you're hellish. One day, it'll all be over and you can whore around since you can't get knocked up. Don't tell JR I said that.

  12. You must have such a great sense of humour to make a big joke out of it. You had me laughing, but dreading the day as well!

  13. It is not fair. Men should have to go through menopuase since we have the babies.

  14. Sheesh, did I write that when I wasn't looking.......? Guess it's a really big club.

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