Friday, December 4, 2009

Merry Whatever and a Happy New Year

I usually don't do Holiday letters because, well, we are boring. That's what I said, boring. We don't live the exciting life I lead you all to believe. I know that makes me a big fat liar but it's my blog and if I want to spin out a fantasy or two I will. We pretty much come home, I cook, JR eats a mountain of Fritos, and the dogs mooch chucks of cheese off me. Day in and day out. That kind of boring.

But, this weeks Spin Cycle, sponsored by the lovely and talented (the girl can rock some poetry) Miss Jennifer, is Holiday letters so I thought I'd give it a try. It shouldn't be too painful. To visit others, who most likely have real action packed lives hence wonderful holiday letters go visit Jen.

Dear Friends and Family,

We’d like to take this opportunity to wish all of you a very merry Whatever it is you celebrate this year. Whether it is Hanukkah, Kwanza, Christmas or the solstice may it be filled with love, laughter, and chocolate. Because really who wants to celebrate a holiday without chocolate?

This year has seen plenty of changes in the Dogslife household (since we are such shallow people this shouldn’t take too long).

We moved. We moved from (dry brown dusty scorpion infested old people driving Buicks at 2 miles an hour) lovely Phoenix, AZ to (green humid bug infested crazy drivers that believe that turn signals are optional non-recycling environment haters) charming Houston, TX. It was one of the smoothest moves we have ever undertaken (I only suffered one major meltdown and a few minor ones that I made sure I communicated to JR in the best way possible while he was over a thousand miles away and couldn’t do anything about. Why? Because I’m giving like that.)

The Boys are doing great (since they no longer live at our house so they no longer sponge off us). They are living on their own and paying their own way. (Not as some would believe by breaking rocks on a chain gang). The Oldest is holding down a job and trying to convince his wife that paying for electricity is a luxury item. The Youngest is attending school and keeping (mooching off) my friend Lisa company. Thank you Lisa, you’re the best.

The dogs like the grass (as opposed to gravel) in the backyard and find all kinds of things in which to roll in. I don’t think a day goes by that they don’t come in the house smelling to high heaven and chewing on something that was breathing at one time. They are so cute and fluffy after their bath.

JR and I have grown closer over our mutual love for the dual sinks in our master bath, separate his and hers closets, the wine cooler in our kitchen and the wet bar in our living room. And can now start looking for houses that will deepen that love.

Health wise JR and I are doing well (for a couple of old people). If he can survive (not be knifed in the back) my menopausal mood swings, night sweats (put a pair of flannel pjs on if you’re so cold) and hot flashes (did you turn the heat on? WTF it’s sweltering in here) we should be able to make a go of this marriage.

We wish you many evenings dancing around that bonfire, Christmas tree, or menorah and a Happy New Year.

The Dogslife family


  1. I just love living life in the parentheses!
    Awesome SPin, and I am almost determined that you have to know my cousin Mike, he even lives in your area and works in the library system. You MUST have run across him at some point! His last name starts with Saper-. Any help?
    You're linked!

  2. Wow - your life is as exciting as ours! I love it!

    (Yeah, we have a "formal" tree in the only "formal" room of our house, and an extremely "informal" tree in our extremely informal family room. Or we will have after this weekend when we go buy one that will fit in there because I had to get all cute and buy a flippin' fish tank.)

  3. I love winter clothes. Someday, I'll be able to wear them again. It is so not fair to have hot flashes, night sweats, and a damn period at the same time.

  4. Now that's the kind of holiday letter I could get excited about!

    You have a terrific sense of humor and this was fantastic!

  5. I love your letter. I think christmas letters are kind of wierd in general, but my all time favorite is the one where an ex-coworker I didn't know that well announced they were planning to do IVF the following year in addition to just general oversharing for a generic form letter.

    Happy whatever to you too.

  6. I've been to Houston. They didn't like my stand up very much AT ALL and I have the tape to prove it.

  7. If all the letters I recieved could be as good as that one I'd be golden. That was good.

  8. I hope you're really sending that one. It's good!

  9. The Christmas tree bonfire because somebody left the Menorah too close?

  10. Thanks for the laugh - brought back memories about my dad trying to convince all of us that electricity was not really a necessary part of life, and my dog coming to the front door reeking of something worse than death.

  11. WTF. There is nothing boring about your letter. At least as far as I'm concerned.

    Dual sinks are the secret to a happy marriage. Dual toilets would be even better. (In separate rooms of course.) (I thought I should clarify that???)

    :) ha. My verification word is kidding.

  12. Love the ping ponging of this holiday letter. The parentheses were my favorite.

  13. Fantastic! Being a new Blogger in town, this is an excellent opportunity for me to ask the inevitable question that has been on my mind since I started actually ,'blogging correctly. (I think)'

    Is it kosher to send a blog entry as a Christmas card? I mean how eco friendly is that? Is this something you guys have all been doing for years or what?

    Not A Blogger, Suddenly A Blogger

  14. And seriously, who wouldn't love his and hers sinks and closets? We do. I just got the kids his and hers sinks because I think it's something everybody should enjoy...

  15. You made me laugh and laugh and laugh.