Thursday, February 5, 2009

Pseudocode for guys - K's 100th party - WooHoo

K over at Interstitial Life had this really fantastic idea. She's giving a party! Invitees get to guest post on her blog. She has a couple of rules and regulations but basically it's all pretty straight forward. Go check her out. Really, do! She's a doll.
Now I didn't want to look too eager (raised my hand frantically) but I wanted in on this party. I also wanted a reason to re-post/polish off this real early blog career post. I included the comments (all 2 of them).

Readership was down in the beginning. Not that it is terribly high to start with. I like to think of the 40 or so people who visit my blog as loyal and trusted friends. You know who you are (I'd shower you with heaps of gifts and money but have you seen what librarians get paid?). Even though half of the 40 are probably Google hits that can't figure out why they are looking at this crap. Serves them right.

Now don't let the geeky computer programming stuff stop you from reading this post. It will make total sense by the time you hit the second or third one how this thing rolls. I dare you to leave your own pseudocode.

Pseudocode for guys

My carpool partner/daughter-in-law and I were talking about how nice it would be if you could program men like you would a computer. That led us to create a few If/Then statements. The following are a few that we thought were important. I'm sure that we only hit the tip of the iceberg on this one. Feel free to add a few of your own in the comment section. I'm not the best programmer so if the syntax is not quite right I'll apologize now.

If toilet seat is up Then
Put it down
or I'll be screaming at you when I fall in
End If

If you drink the last of anything in the refrigerator Then Throw the container away

If your clothing is dirty Then
Put in laundry basket
Else they won’t get washed
End If

If garbage can is full Xor smelly Then
Take out
Else I will hit you over the head with an empty egg carton
End If

If you take a cap off the beer bottle Then
Throw the cap in the garbage
Else I will no longer buy beer
End If

If you pass gas under the bed covers Then
Do not lift the covers
Else you will be sleeping in another room
End If

If light is On Then Turn it off

If you want a drink Then
Get a glass
Else I'll empty the container you just drank out of over your head
End If

If I am talking to you Then
Make the effort to listen
Else I will just nag you about it later
End If

If you are lost Then
ask for directions
ElseIf we are late Then I will glare at you and give you the silent treatment
End If



Sam said... (A friend of my son’s)

If woman is talking
Then pretend to pay attention (pause game if necessary)
Else endless rounds of "you never listen" ensues.
End if

Sry, had to get some man code in there ;) In all fairness:

If woman is talking
Then she is clearly right, stop while you're ahead.
Else you are totally fucked.
End if

See, only one year deep and I am already trained =D

February 14, 2008 2:11 AM

Ben R said... (I don’t even want to know what he was planning to say but if it was worse than he wrote below…)

This post has been removed by the author.

February 14, 2008 1:05 PM

Ben R said... (He gets this from his father)

I should make up some of these for women but it would require a class because they are just Objects. (For those that might not know it “class” and “Objects”are programming terms but I pretty sure he didn’t mean them that way. He caught hell for it anyway)


  1. This is awesome. I love it and will proudly link to it.

    I will post a link to it next Tuesday (I don't want to do a guest post over the weekend since readership goes way down). Thanks for the shout out.

  2. WHYYYYYYYY does the beer cap never make it to the trash can?????


  3. I have posted these rules on the fridge. I'll let you know if they work.

  4. That is some impressive coding. Unfortunately, Jamie would just rewrite it to benefit him since he's geeky like that.

  5. 6, 9, and 10 I'm afraid I cannot comply with. Other than that, every single one of those describes MY WIFE.

  6. Ha..this is very funny. I have an add on:

    IF you get a beer out
    ANDIF you take the cap off
    ANDIF our toddler finds it on the floor
    THEN He will likely eat it and
    THEN You will be responsible for taking him to the hospital.