Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Pseudocode for guys

My carpool partner/daughter-in-law and I were talking about how nice it would be if you could program men like you would a computer. That led us to create a few If/Then statements. The following are a few that we thought were important. I'm sure that we only hit the tip of the iceberg on this one. Feel free to add a few of your own in the comment section. I'm not the best programmer so if the syntax is not quite right I'll apologize now.

If toilet seat is up Then
Put it down
or I'll be screaming at you when I fall in
End If

If you drink the last of anything in the refrigerator Then Throw the container away

If your clothing is dirty Then
Put in laundry basket
Else they won’t get washed
End If

If garbage can is full Xor smelly Then
Take out
Else I will hit you over the head with an empty egg carton
End If

If you take a cap off the beer bottle Then
Throw the cap in the garbage
Else I will no longer buy beer
End If

If you pass gas under the bed covers Then
Do not lift the covers
Else you will be sleeping in another room
End If

If light is On Then Turn it off

If you want a drink Then
Get a glass
Else I'll empty the container you just drank out of over your head
End If

If I am talking to you Then
Make the effort to listen
Else I will just nag you about it later
End If

If you are lost Then
ask for directions
ElseIf we are late Then I will glare at you and give you the silent treatment
End If


  1. If woman is talking
    Then pretend to pay attention (pause game if necessary)
    Else endless rounds of "you never listen" ensues.
    End if

    Sry, had to get some man code in there ;) In all fairness:

    If woman is talking
    Then she is clearly right, stop while you're ahead.
    Else you are totally fucked.
    End if

    See, only one year deep and I am already trained =D

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  3. I should make up some of these for women but it would require a class because they are just Objects.