Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Tortured Art or how I can torture you with my art

For those of you who’s candidate won last night: Woo Hoo! Just don’t think that things are going to get better right away. Sure, after January 20th you will no longer be tortured with watching Mr. B’s smirking face but I’ll still be tormenting you with my art endeavors. No life is not going to get easier.

I’m just looking out for you here. I personally need an excuse for all the wine I drink and the current economy/president/wars situation has suited me just fine. I’d like to take personal responsibility but that just wouldn’t be the American way. I’m an American Dangit. That means I should be able to live over my means, blame someone else for my problems, and ridicule the French. I was going to say Canadians but I didn’t want to offend Captain Dumbass. When we lived in Bellingham, Washington (in the early 80's) this was okay but in Phoenix, Arizona it’s just not done. Those lovely elderly Canadians migrate down in the winter to spend their hard earned dollars, drive really slow with their turn signals on in their Buicks, and pack the local restaurants with gray/blue/white hair. Nope, I just can't make fun of them.

Back to torture…..

Why I took up drawing/painting a year ago is an absolute mystery. I’ve never taken an art class (and it shows); I didn’t even know what supplies I would need (much to the chagrin of my Credit Card Company and JR); and don’t even get me started on perspective. No really don’t because I don’t seem to have a clue what it is.

My media of choice is pastels. Why pastels? They are just like coloring with crayons. I love crayons. Especially the big 64 crayon sized box. Pastels are even better though. They must be because they cost more, no wait that’s not it. It’s because you can blend the colors, right blending is good. Add that to the fact that you can erase the whole dang thing if you want (and I want way too much) makes pastels a perfect choice for an artist wannabe.

I’ve dabbled in watercolors. When I say dabbled I mean screwed up lots of paper, made a huge mess, and required that JR applaud my painfully awful efforts. The man truly broke out in spots. He was under a lot of stress. How do you tell your wife that her painting sucks and still get dinner and extracurricular activities? I feel sorry for him. I’ve only produced a couple of things that I’ve been happy enough with to keep. I really wanted to produce beautiful translucent seascapes and landscapes. Watercolors just seemed so ladylike. I wanna be ladylike!!

I’m ditching my watercolors (for obvious reasons. I just don’t need the pressure) for oil paints. Oil paints are still really messy but they include lot of chemicals. Chemicals are good. Life is better through chemistry. You got your turpentine and lacquer and this white stuff that you paint on before you start painting. It is so cool. It makes my artist wannabe heart sing.

Here is a picture of my first crack at oil painting. I want to preface this with I know it’s a little off down there in the left corner. The bridge could use a bit more work. I think San Francisco turned out a bit too green. Oh shoot! Don’t tell me I’ll have to scrap the whole thing off.

Let the torture begin….

Oh the Humanity!




  1. Holy crap, you're good. I didn't mean holy crap like I doubted you but I can barely stay inside the lines and you're drawing masterpieces. I think I would like pastels too, there's something about thick smeary pain that does it for me, watery stuff is annoying. Great job, seriously.

  2. I painted life-sized murals in my kids' rooms, so I say, just do it!! Keep painting, doesn't it make you feel good?!

  3. That looks great. I have trouble with stick figures. Keep at it!

  4. Wonderful! You are sooooo multi-talented. Keep it up! I am jealous.


  5. Um? Excuse me, lady, but that looks pretty darn good. Keep up the torture.

  6. I LOVE it! I'm terrible... even Rye looks at my pathetic attempts at stick people and shakes his head. Terrible.

  7. Pastels are great!! Show us your pastels.

    But I like your bridge in oils too. I was there way back in 1980, and it looked just like that.
    I just couldn't make out where the cables holding it up went to - was it that famous San Fran fog? Or is it my computer monitor playing tricks on me?

    You asked me a while ago about all my little girls wearing hats - Australia has the highest incidence of skin cancer in the world, so we teach our children to "Slip Slop Slap Wrap" from infancy. (That's SLIP on a shirt - mainly for the aussie men who like to go naked on top - SLOP on sunscreen, SLAP on a hat and WRAP the sunglasses on.)

  8. Wow! I'm really amazed! I can't wait to see what you do with that picture I took at Hilton Head last year (just posted recently). You are so talented!

    She's wildly intelligent, witty, and talented ---

    the best part?

    She's my blogging friend.


  9. Very beautiful. Loved visiting San Francisco and hope to visit again.

  10. @mum-me: your computer is not playing tricks. I haven't put the cables in yet. I have a bit more work to be done on this painting that I hope to finish this weekend.

  11. Okay, now I am really pumped! You will be painting two of my photos -- what do I do? How shall I dress? Does this make me famous? I think so. I'm feeling it.


    I cannot wait to see them!!!!!


  12. I love the painting, It one that I could just sit and state at...really relaxing.

    I'd love to hear some of your in-law stories. We're living with the inlaws until we finish renovating our house...we bought it 6 years ago (yep we're still not in it) and it's right arcoss the street from the inlaws so even when we are done with the money pit we'll still be 2 seconds away fron them. I'm trying not to cry on my computer....If you want the whole story check out my first couple of blog posts.

    I'm gonna try to get over to the house this weekend to take some photos of our progress and lack stop back by to check out the picts! (sorry for the long comment)