I title these days
50 Minutes of Hell
This is how the voice in my head works. Notice I didn't say voices. Those voices abandon me as soon as I step onto the elliptical. And, I hate them for it.
Warm-up (10 minutes), cruising along at about 5.5 mph with a slight resistance of 3.
- This is easy.
- A few more weeks and you are going to look awesome.
- Oh look! That young kid is going half as fast as you are. (yes, I'm not above this kind of statement.)
- You are awesome.
- Oh yeah! You can do this ALL DAY long.
- The Tax Man...oh oh oh the tax man. (Beatles tunes makes some of the best workout tunes)
- Work it...work it baby
- Come on baby...twist and shout. come on come on baby now...work it on out.
- Damn girl, next thing you know you'll be running a marathon. (lying to yourself is an important component to motivation)
- You got the ole heart rate up to the anaerobic range. Nice work!
- What the hells the difference between aerobic and anaerobic again?
- Who cares
- Ha! the young kid on the trainer next to me just quit. Wuss
- Yeah - The house is a rockin' don't bother knockin' Yeah - The house is a rockin' don't bother come on in (Stevie Ray is cool)
- You are more than half way done.
- Just 20 more minutes left including cool down.
- Holy shit
- You are too damn old for this
- What was that song? I couldn't even hear it over my wheezing
- Dammit! I hate getting sweat in my eyes
- 3 more minutes
- 2 and a half more minutes
- Jesus when will this end
- 30 seconds...20, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
- Why do you do that to yourself
- Don't tell me to slow down to lower my heart rate you stupid machine.
- Hey where did we go, Days when the rains came (Van is so smooth)
- Nike DryFit wicks the sweat away my ass
- Have I been singing out loud this whole time?
- No because I haven't been able to freaking breathe.
- Why don't I wear a headband? It would at least keep the sweat out of my eyes
- Damn that stings!
- Layla, you've got me on my knees. Layla, I'm begging, darling please. (Eric, I love you)
- Now, that wasn't so bad.
- The hell is wasn't.
- But if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow. (back to the Beatles)
- See! That wasn't so bad.
- The hell is wasn't.
- You know you just repeated yourself.
- Yeah, I know...shut up.
While I have to say I don't really enjoy this special time on the trainer I do like the results. When I first started 4 weeks ago I could only do 30 minutes at no more than 4.5 mph and the resistance set a 1. Now, I'm kicking out 4 to 5 or more miles in 50 minutes. I no longer count the 5 minute cool down as time served and I'm pretty smug.
(Yes, I do listen to a whole lot of 60s music while working out.)