Thursday, June 17, 2010

Memories - Like the corners of my mind

If my mind had corners,
I guess.
I'm not sure what that means.

Memories are funny things. Somethings I remember like they happened yesterday and other things, like what I had for lunch (veggie chili, BTW), I don't. But, of those things I remember this stands out.

A little context:
Eddie - my father in law
Mago - my mother in law

The story,

One afternoon I was working in my kitchen, doing what I'm not sure (I see something I don't remember). Probably washing dishes. It seems like when the boys were young and I was a SAHM I was always doing dishes. That or laundry or cooking or cleaning the bathrooms. I heard a knock on the door.

On my doorstep was Eddie. He was wearing his usual attire, a plaid flannel shirt, blue jeans, that hung off his waist just a little bit, like he had lost weight or something, and a cap. He was the last person that I expected at my doorstep.

Me: Hi Eddie
Eddie: Hi
Me: Come on in. Do you want some tea?
Eddie: Sure
Me: What brings you here?
Eddie: Just a few things I need to clean up.
Me: Oh
Eddie: Not here. Somewhere else. I just thought I'd stop in.
Me: Where's Mago?
Eddie: She's not here
Me: Uh uh. Do you want to walk down to the mailbox with me?
(walking down to the mailbox was something that Eddie and I did everyday for 10 years. I started to walk with him to the mailbox when he started going through my mail when he went by himself. This wouldn't have been a problem except that he would hit the garbage can before giving it to me. Grocery sales flyers - into the trash. Reports from the kid's school - into the trash. Credit card bills, yep - into the trash. Eddie deemed them a waste. I deemed them necessities. It was a philosophical difference we just couldn't overcome. hence, my walking with him to the mailbox.)

Eddie: Sure

Eddie and I walk down to the mailbox, dogs and chickens trailing along. Chatting about the boys, what a great job JR was doing on the yard, and all the other mundane things that people talk about when they walk along.

On our way back up to the house, (our mailbox was a couple of hundred feet from the house. So it was a nice little jaunt for us) I asked the question that would define the whole experience.

Me: Since Mago is not here, where is she?
Eddie: She didn't know I was coming.
Me: Why not? Aren't you together?
Eddie: no
Me: Where is she?
Eddie: She's somewhere else.
Me: Why is she somewhere else?
Eddie: Where you are is all about faith. She had more faith so she's somewhere else.
Me: Oh, can you change?
Eddie: No, it's all about faith. I've gotta go. Bye
Me: Bye, Eddie. It was great seeing you.

And he walked away and I woke up.

This would have been an interesting conversation to have with Eddie because on a whole he wasn't too deep but since he had died the week before it was rather profound and it effected me greatly.

My memory of this event, I hesitate to call it a dream, is so clear that I can conjure it up in it's entirety even today, 15 years later.

I have my own interpretation of what Eddie meant by his statement that it was all about faith but I'll let you decided for yourself what you think he meant. Because, I believe that we each have to come to faith (in whatever; religion, ourselves, mankind, etc) by ourselves.

This memory was provided by Eddie in conjunction with the Sprite's Keeper Spin Cyclists.



  1. This was really beautiful, Michele. Faith is personal and I do believe that you did really talk to Eddie, that's why it is still clear.


  2. This was really beautiful, Michele. Faith is personal and I do believe that you did really talk to Eddie, that's why it is still clear.


  3. You know, my dad came to me in a dream after he died and it was because he looked so different (so healed and healthy) that I knew he was really there to speak to me.

    What an amazing moment for you, and that you hold it 15 years later with such clarity...awesome.

  4. That's a very special memory. No wonder you remember it so clearly.

    On the other hand - he went through your mail?!? (Actually, my Grandma would do that too.)

  5. I should feel spooked by this, but I don't. I think it would actually calm me.
    Wonderful Spin, you're linked!

  6. I have dreams like that a lot. I wake up and they seem so real I could touch them. Miss you friend.

  7. Those always make for great memories. But I know that so long as we have those memories, those who have passed will still be with us.

    Thanks for sharing,

  8. Damn...That may have been your best post. I like that kinda stuff. Cheers Michele!!

  9. This is fabulous. I had a dream of my best friend (faith concept) a week after she died. Weird isn't it?!

  10. Wow, Michele! That's intense and cool all at the same time! Especially since you're able to remember it with clarity all these years later.

  11. Huh. It was YOUR dream, but the telling of it rings 'true', somehow.

  12. A great memory and story. Definitely a message in there.

  13. What a strange, vivid memory. And that Eddie, throwing out your coupons. Jeez. I haven't even met you and I wouldn't come within a mile of your coupons, I know you better than that.