Thursday, February 25, 2010

I'm Probably Going to Regret This

I may jinks it.
I probably shouldn't be putting this in print.
Oh, I'm so nervous.
I'm just going to go for it and let the chips fall where they may.
No, No I'm not going to put it in print.
Oh, who am I kidding.
I'm going for it because I'm a risk taker.

To the guys out there; you may want to look away for just a minute because things are about to get personal. Personal as in; womanly private. Personal as in; ooh I can't believe she said that. Personal as in; gawd, that was gross kind of way.

In less than one month I will be celebrating 2 very important events in a woman's life. One is my 27th wedding anniversary. Yes, JR has put up with me for 27 years. What can I say; the man has stamina. Or he's slow. Or he's lazy. Or he loves me. Whatever it is he has been through the ringer with the second event.

The other momentous event is that I will be technically and officially done with menopause. that's right ladies. Done. Kaput. Never more.

According to WebMD; Menopause is the point when it's been a year since a woman has her last menstrual period. At this stage, the ovaries have stopped releasing eggs and producing most of their estrogen. My eggs have stopped releasing. My ovaries have stopped producing estrogen. I have gone a full year without a visit from Aunt Flo. I have not waken up in the middle of the night with a messy disaster on my hands, so to speak. Because....gross. I have not been caught unawares by my period showing up without warning. No more bloating, no more period panties, and no more ban of wearing white during "that time".

I took a bold step the other day. I actually cleaned out my bathroom of all feminine hygiene products. I know, I'm tempting fate. I'm tempting the gods of period paraphernalia to strike me down. I'm trembling in fear.

I will now be post menopausal. Believe it or not I am soooo excited about this. Why? Because it means less and less hot flashes, night sweats and insomnia. And crazy, I should be less crazy. Gawd, I want to be less crazy. I want to stop crying over commercials. I want to stop the angst. I want a decent nights sleep. I could do without the slowed metabolism but, hey, we all have our crosses to bear.

With my luck, now that I've voiced my jubilee at these events and cleaned out the house and my office of all paraphernalia something will go wrong. Oh, I don't think JR will leave me. Seriously, he really likes me. It's the other thing that might go wrong. So everyone keep your fingers crossed (figuratively of course) for the next month.

Now, we'll return to our normal inane banter.



  1. I am at the five month mark myself. The longest time previously was 3 months. I have my fingers crossed, but I'm not clearing out the supplies just yet. Although the fact that I live with another menstruating woman and even that has not induced a period? I'm feeling pretty good about it.

  2. So there's a 'time limit' on menopause? Good to know - when that time comes, I'll definitely be marking my calendar and focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel. ;) Meanwhile, I'll keep my fingers crossed so you won't have jinxed your light. It'll make it hard to type, but for you, I'll do it.


    See? ;)

  3. SOOO jealous! I look forward to that day with great anticipation!!!

  4. Oh, CONGRATULATIONS!! I am going to celebrate for you. I am envious; I just finished my first period in over 3 months. I can't begin to tell you how disappointed I was when I woke up Saturday and realized I'd started - you're right, it's such an inconvenience.

    I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that you haven't jinxed yourself by throwing all of the supplies out; I know one woman who went 11 months without, then bang! Got it. Two years running.

  5. Yea! For no more period panties! I'm so so SO jealous! I'm just starting the phase where I get my period and freak out for no reason. Ah yes...I am offically in my 30's.

  6. Congratulations! I feel like I should make you a cake or something. Red velvet?
    (Ooh, sorry!)
    You know, this would count as a confession for the Spin Cycle, you want in? :-)

  7. Yeah I had gone 8 months (I know, not the necessary year) and WTF, it started! I had no 'supplies' in the house and quite frankly didn't feel like investing alot of money into them since I'm hoping it was a fluke.....we shall see

    P.S. You probably jinxed yourself.

  8. Cleaning out the bathroom cupboard of all that stuff sounds good to me. Hope you haven't jinxed yourself.

    27 years is a wonderful achievement .... make sure you let us know which day in the next month it is!

  9. LOLing at Captain Dumbass's comment.

    You should have a party! I wonder what theme would be appropriate. . .

  10. The Captain definitely stole the show here. And that's saying something because, this post is about "down there". Good job to the Captain and congratulations(I guess?) to you.

  11. Of course, congratulations are in order....but what will you now use as an excuse to drink more???

  12. Damn. I was thinking of starting a menapausal meme, maybe...Menapausal Monday? When we could all go hormonal and whine about our flashes and such, and now you're out?! No fun.

  13. Congratulations? I think I'm jealous. No more that time of month, enjoy the freedom.


    Now the battle of the bulge REALLY begins. But being done is ever so very nice!!!


  15. What? That sounds wonderful, congrats on never seeing your Aunt Flow again. YAYAYAY.