Friday, October 9, 2009

Jeff Foxworthy knows his Washingtonians


If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Washington. (I do this all the time)

If you've worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Washington. (sad but true)

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Washington. (I've been known to engage in lengthy conversations with strangers, on the phone or otherwise. Just ask my friend Terry)

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Washington.(there is another way to measure distance?)

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Washington. (I've only hit one deer. When I got to work all my co-workers wanted to know if I wanted them to drop it off at the butchers.)

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Washington. (HA! Very few people have A/C in Washington)
If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Washington (Why ever would you lock your doors?)

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Washington. (I hope you're traveling in the slow lane or you better move your ass over.)

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Washington. (this is so true and so very very sad)

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Washington. (In Western Washington the potholes are filled with water making it impossible to know how deep they are. Great for tire salesman)

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Washington.(sorry this is wrong. the 2 seasons are: cold rainy season and a little bit warmer rainy season.)
If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Washington. (and his point is?)

If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Washington.(only 10?)

If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Washington. (there is very little reason to have air conditioning and plenty of reasons to own a boat. There is tons more water than there is heat.)

If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Washington. (It's all about following the rules)

If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Washington.(mountains that don't are for just hills)

If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Dutch Bros, you live in Washington.(but Tully's is still the best)

If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Washington. (Copper River from Alaska is the best ever)

If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Abiqua, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Washington. (that's Yak-ki-mah and Pu-al-lup)

If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Washington. (swimming outside is advisable only after you become numb from the cold.)

If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Washington.(Dim Sum, enuf said)

If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Washington.(and extra clothing, wellies, and Bailey's Irish Cream to put in your hot cocoa.)

If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Washington.(my mountain bike has only found wineries so I can't actually attest to this statement.)

If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Washington. (people who even own an umbrellas is a wimp)

If you buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Washington. (sunglasses? What are sunglasses?)
If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Washington friends, you live or have lived in Washington. (Done!)

We lived in Washington State for 42 of my 50 years. Most all of these statements are true.




  1. Ha...Good stuff, and Bailey's RAWKS!! Cheers Michele!!

  2. Funny! Jeff is usually spot on, and I've been to Washington so I know at least half of those things are true.

  3. So, Washingtonians are rednecks? My experience with Washington makes me know that most of these observations are spot on. (A lot of them apply to where I live as well.)

  4. Very funny.

    (And clearly talking about Washington state and not DC. We're not that friendly here.)

  5. The coat and the raincoat over the Halloween costume is often true here as well. :(

  6. That would work very well just north of the border in BC as well.

  7. Funny....when I saw the intro I thought you meant Washington, DC! Had me puzzled for a few. Duh!

  8. Ahh, I didn't know you spent 42 years there.

  9. Oh Washington how I love thee! I will return home very soon!

  10. Jeff Foxworthy isn't funny but some of these are accurate.

  11. Also, and I know this seems hard to believe, but in terms of actual precip western WA doesn't get much more rain than Houston.

    It is the trace precipitation (not much rain, but always there) and number of cloudy days that gives it the big reputation for being wet.