Thursday, June 25, 2009

Dear So and So

Dear So and So...

Kat at 3 Bedroom Bungalow to Let in Crazytown has created this really interesting letter posting thing that I just had to get in on. Why? I have no idea. It is probably because I'm totally fickle and have some minor ADD issues. But, we're not going to talk about that.

Dear Nessa,
I realize that you have a serious OCD ball fetching problem but I am really tired of throwing that damn thing. The marks the ball leaves on the wall when it bounces off are a bitch of get off (thank God for Mr. Clean Magic Erasers). And, dumping your ball into the fountain, puddles and your water dish does not make it anymore fun for me to throw. I refuse to take you to a doggie psychologist, even if there is such a thing. If I can't go, you can't go. So take your ball somewhere else.

Thank you,
Your people mommy

Dear Texas Department of Public Safety,
If making us go through tremendous effort to even get to apply for your damn license then making us wait 4 weeks for said license it to show up isn't bad enough. Expecting us to be happy when You screw up JR's license is a little too much to ask. We are finding it hard to get all warm and fuzzy because you are NOT going to charge us for a new license that you are going to make him come in again to apply for. It is bad enough the he has to take off a half of day of work for you to fix Your mistake. Are you going to be happy that we are not going to charge you for that? Yeah, I thought not.

And, oh, his free pass to the front of the line is no real bonus. He has flown out of Houston every Monday and flown back in every Friday for the last 4 weeks. Do you realize how many times he has been searched by TSA because of your screw up?

Searching him should be my job,
One of your New Texas residents

Dear Tripper,
Will you stop your damn barking? Every time I leave the house you don't have to freak out. Sometimes I'm only taking the garbage out. BTW, you bark is ear piercing. My ears bleed every damn time. So please, please, please knock it off!

Your people mommy

Dear Idiot Cat,
Bringing a live bird into the house will never endear you to me. The feathers I'm still vacuuming up are gross. Your insistence on looking for said injured bird is disgusting. You are daddy's cat. He is presently out of town. Do the math! With every nasty creature you bring in your chances of ever coming into the house again goes down exponentially.

The woman with the keys to the house.

Dear People at the Meatless Monday Campaign,
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for adding me to your Who's going Meatless page. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would see my blog on the same page with Paul McCartney. If you could move me up to directly beneath him that would so work for me in more ways than one, if you get my meaning. I kid! Please don't send Nancy after me, she scares me.

Oh, thanks also for letting me add to your logo. Because it is just "One damn day!"

Thanks again. Your faithful advocate,
Michele - It's a Dogs Life.

Well, that was cathartic. Do you all feel better? No? I do. I may actually do this again. Probably not cuz you know....that fickle thing.



  1. Awesome letters! I might have to jump on this bandwagon.

  2. Ha. Good stuff...However, since you have two good legs upon which to stand, I don't think you are Sir Paul's type. Cheers Michele!!

  3. Oh, I'm all OVER this. Oh, yeah.

    I loved the letters, especially the one to the cat.

  4. Ugh, dead bird in the house? I thought the dead rats in my driveway were bad. Chloe has the barking/asshole problem too but I'm pretty sure writing her a letter wouldn't make me feel any better. Kicking her, that's another story. Stop it, I don't really kick her, I just dream about it.

  5. Those damn TSA people taking away your job... well, there's always overtime. ;-)

  6. We had a cat who left us bird surprises for us on our front doorstep.

    Every spring birds build a nest in my new wreath on the front door. Sometimes the birds fly into the house.

    I hate birds.

    The letters are a great idea. I love the different signatures you give each one! haha

    Oh I almost forgot! I gave you an award! I don't know if you like awards, but your blog makes me happy, so there you go.

  7. Great letters and better idea.....I'm going to get in on this one! And good for you, M, regarding Meatless you said, it's only ONE day. Next week's Food for Thought is going to be a meatless dish....just in YOUR honor.

  8. AND THERE YOU ARE!!!! I zipped over to Meatless Monday's and saw YOU! You are just so cool! My claim to fame!


  9. It's Joey from Meatless Monday. Your welcome. Thank you for spreading the word about our campaign! Please- submit recipes to me. This post is adorable and much appreciated around here. Let's keep in touch.

  10. I need to write a letter to my dog about the ball thing. Maybe it will help.

  11. Fun!!! I needed to write one to Tessa's car.GRRR. Dumb thing runs out of gas at 1/4 tank left on the gauge!!!

    The cat's letter was a hoot!

  12. hahhaa! Your meatless monday addition cracks me up. We are newly meatless on monday and you should've heard my family (husband especially) complaining about going meatless! I finally said... IT'S ONE DAY!!! I didn't think to put D@mn in there. Might have had a better impact. Anyway, I said, I'm asking for one. You have 6 left to spare!! Sheesh. Red blooded Americans. ;) Have fun going Meatless.

  13. Cat 1, dogs 0!!! See what happens when you diss kitteh?? Kitteh does not sleep, kitteh waits for pay back :-))) Or else he's doing his level best to suck up in daddy's absence. Work with him, will ya?? :-)))

    MIL had a hunter kitteh who liked to lay out his little victims in a row, sorted by species. So it could be worse, but not by much.

  14. That looks like good therapy to me. I have a few I need to write. I am approaching Coach about Meatless Monday tonight to see his reaction.

  15. There is, actually, such thing as a doggie psychologist.

    I keep forgetting to do these letters. Dammit.

  16. I love it, "your people mommy" these are great. my favorite is the one with the cat who brings the bird into the house

  17. Great letters! I'm so feeling you over the ball marks on the wall. Doesn't it get boring after a while? You'd think huh?

  18. So... if they moved your blog below Paul's, does that equate to the "missionary position" in the blogging world?