My maternal overlord was having a difficult time of figuring out what to blog about so I suggested I guest blog for kicks. My proposal to guest blog was mainly spurred by my mild inebriation from a bottle of great pinot noir mother sought out earlier in the week (it’s a crime and wineries are much more deserving of a federal bailout than banks are IMO). My true reason, now that I am sobering up, is to issue my perspective about living under the roof of an authoritative vegetarian regime.
I remember a time once when the mother used to be a normal, meat-eating American. Like the fading memory of my childhood, it was a happy time for all and there was much rejoicing. Clinton was in office and the government was running a surplus (an antiquated word for when someone actually has money in abundance). Soon however the mother began to change, sometime during the Bush administration (another thing I blame Bush for), she began to shun red meat and at first I thought it was just a phase, much like how parents see being a teenager as just a phase, and that she would soon grow out of it.
Unfortunately it soon dawned on all of us that she would not snap out of this meatless proclivity. Any attempts to dissuade her were met with arguments that red meat stayed in your colon for years. A point which I argued that since I paid for it I wanted it in my colon for that long (it’s an investment people!). I will say that I’m not against the notion of vegetarianism, I honestly like vegetables as long as they’re cooked in such a way they don’t taste like vegetables! I would also argue with vegetarians that they don’t own a monopoly on “healthy” foods. You can make vegetarian dishes just as unhealthy as dishes with meat in them are.
I will say that, although many vegetarian dishes are tasteless to me, hunger is the world’s greatest spice and I will be forever appreciative to the mother for all her hard work in the kitchen and for, you know, giving me life.
A couple of mild corrections. I did not turn veggie during the Bush administration it was still the Clinton one. He sucks my food down like a Jackal with a rotting carcass. There are times that I feed them meat. Just not very often. Or very much.
Hope you enjoyed my youngest boy's take on the whole meatless thing. Now, I think I'll have to fix canned spinach, brussel sprouts, and raw tofu for dinner tonight. Nah, I can't even stomach that.
P.S. I didn't really beat or confine him. It wouldn't have worked anyway.