Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......  8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! Excerpts from a Cat 's Daily Diary...  Day 983 of my captivity.. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. B*st*rds. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. |
A friend sent this to JR today. We thought it so explained a lot of things that go on in our home.
Love,
M
Very funny! My dog used to be just like that.
ReplyDeleteI always thought the cat thought(knew) it owned the person, wheras the dog was quite happy to be owned by the person.
Hey Michelle....you sent me an email but you have no-reply comment status on :) No reply possible! Sure you can use the image...go for it :)
ReplyDeleteomg, mine too! I'm sending this to Brad.
ReplyDeleteHa! I always knew cats were no good!
ReplyDeleteHah! We have two dogs and they think exactly like yours do. I was thinking about adopting a kitten, but ummmm, maybe not. I think cats are too smart to live at my house.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from Jan's Sushi Bar. Glad to meet you and look forward to more.
I love this one and I love the "how to give a pill to a cat" -- too funny!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Lacy
I love this one. It does seem to be about right.
ReplyDeleteLove it!
ReplyDeleteEverytime I read this I laugh. The Dog sounds exactly like mine!!!
ReplyDelete