Am I the only one that gets phone calls from their mother that goes something like this:
Mom: Hi Honey
Me: Hi Mom
Mom: Do you remember Janie Doe from High School?
Me: Can’t say that I do. (thinking to myself, Please God not one of the dead relative of a non-friend phone calls.)
Mom: Well, maybe not. She wasn’t really in your class. She was in Mari’s (Mari is my younger by 2 years sister), class.
Me: Uh, Mom I had over 800 people in my class and so did Mari.(Yep, it's going to be one of those.)
Mom: I’m sure you’d remember her if you saw her.
Me: I doubt it. (trying to sound interested but already starting to wander off in my mind)
Mom: I think she had a brother that was
Me: Nope, doesn’t ring a bell. (contemplating a facial)
Mom: It doesn’t matter because I’m sure you remember their Uncle Leroy. He attended Ronda’s church.
Me: Mom, look I’m sure I don’t know him or his family or his friends. I didn’t go to Ronda’s church with the exception of going to her wedding. (should I spring for the bikini wax or the manicure? Should pain be a factor in this decision or price?)
Mom: He was at Ronda’s wedding. I bet you met him there.
Me: Mommmm, that was 28 years ago! (God, I love cheese. Maybe, I should try making my own? I bet Trader Joe's has non-animal based rennet)
Mom: Well, I thought you’d like to know that he was just diagnosed with colon cancer. He’s not expected to live. The doctor gave him 3 months. It has progressed from his colon
Me: I’m sorry to hear that.(Speaking of colons; which dog farted?)
Mom: I think you should send a card.
Me: I didn’t even know him or his family. (Crap it was Nessa. That smell is gonna linger. Where's the Febreeze?)
Mom: They sent a lovely card when Daddy died.
Me: They don’t even know me. (Mmmmm...I could be dusting the house. Nah, too much work)
Mom: I’ll send you their address.
Me: Please don’t. (The Boy just left for the library maybe JR will be up for a little play time. "Up" for Hahaha. I crack myself up)
Mom: It’s only right that you at least send a card.
Me: What about Mari? She at least went to school with his niece. (will this conversation ever be over?)
Mom: I was hoping you would send something since they were nice enough to send something for Daddy’s funeral.
Me: Fine. Send me their address. (Damn it, I'm such a wuss. I just agreed to send an effing card to someone I don't even know. Someone kill me now!)
Between the guilt and the fact that my Mom is the NICEST person you’ll ever meet. I give in. Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be the middle child.
Love,
M
Michele -- I am right there with you! Thanks for the chuckle this morning. Reminded me of my friend whose mother lives with her a few months every year, watches wrestling and Westerns on TV and mentions several times every day that she thinks Alan Alda lives in Rhode Island now. You gotta laugh!
ReplyDeleteBwahahaha!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI feel so bad for laughing so hard, but the dog farting thing had me on the floor!
My mom does the same thing - and she doesn't even live in the same town!
ReplyDeleteAre you sure we're not sisters? That is MY mother too!!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG, so true! The "dead relative of a non-friend" call. It's a major genre of mom communications! Thanks for identifying and naming it!
ReplyDeleteI used to have those conversations with my Grandma.
ReplyDelete"Keely, do you remember so-and-so?"
"No, Grandma, that was YOUR friend."
"Oh. Well, they died."
"...."
My Mom used to call her "Eeyore". She didn't appreciate it.
I love it! We have the same name and the same humor! I blogged about a conversation with my mom last week. Moms are great bloggy topic, aren't they? :-) Have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteHow does that logic work for them?
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome! My mom doesn't do this but my grandma is terrible about it!!
ReplyDeleteFunny! But I have to ask - does your mum check up that you've actually sent the card? And what do you write in it?.... "Dear so-and-so, I don't even know you but there's a chance you may possibly know my sister, or my brother, or I could have attended your church once 28 years ago, but anyway I hope you get better from cancer soon......"
ReplyDeleteOh dear. You get lots of brownie points for sending that card.
ReplyDeleteAhhhh....
ReplyDeleteJust make sure the dog fart clears out before you send it. You don't want to stick a fart-filled envelope in the mail, that won't lift anybody's spirits.
ReplyDeleteHa. Funny. If I got a call like that from my Mom, I'd freak. After all she is dead. But man, that would certainly be post worthy. Cheers Michele!!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness -- that is too funny! Not about the colon cancer or anything like that but your thoughts during that phone call had me cracking up.
ReplyDeleteSo, when will you be making cheese???? Did I inspire this line of reasoning? If so, I'm thrilled and can't wait to read all about it!
Blessings!
Lacy
I'm not going to complain anymore when my mom calls and reminds me that if I'm going to get my hair cut, to go with bangs because bangs will cover up my big forehead. At least she's not calling me reminding me to send a card to the stylist.
ReplyDelete