Am I the only one that gets phone calls from their mother that goes something like this:
Mom: Hi Honey
Me: Hi Mom
Mom: Do you remember Janie Doe from High School?
Me: Can’t say that I do. (thinking to myself, Please God not one of the dead relative of a non-friend phone calls.)
Mom: Well, maybe not. She wasn’t really in your class. She was in Mari’s (Mari is my younger by 2 years sister), class.
Me: Uh, Mom I had over 800 people in my class and so did Mari.(Yep, it's going to be one of those.)
Mom: I’m sure you’d remember her if you saw her.
Me: I doubt it. (trying to sound interested but already starting to wander off in my mind)
Mom: I think she had a brother that was
Me: Nope, doesn’t ring a bell. (contemplating a facial)
Mom: It doesn’t matter because I’m sure you remember their Uncle Leroy. He attended Ronda’s church.
Me: Mom, look I’m sure I don’t know him or his family or his friends. I didn’t go to Ronda’s church with the exception of going to her wedding. (should I spring for the bikini wax or the manicure? Should pain be a factor in this decision or price?)
Mom: He was at Ronda’s wedding. I bet you met him there.
Me: Mommmm, that was 28 years ago! (God, I love cheese. Maybe, I should try making my own? I bet Trader Joe's has non-animal based rennet)
Mom: Well, I thought you’d like to know that he was just diagnosed with colon cancer. He’s not expected to live. The doctor gave him 3 months. It has progressed from his colon
Me: I’m sorry to hear that.(Speaking of colons; which dog farted?)
Mom: I think you should send a card.
Me: I didn’t even know him or his family. (Crap it was Nessa. That smell is gonna linger. Where's the Febreeze?)
Mom: They sent a lovely card when Daddy died.
Me: They don’t even know me. (Mmmmm...I could be dusting the house. Nah, too much work)
Mom: I’ll send you their address.
Me: Please don’t. (The Boy just left for the library maybe JR will be up for a little play time. "Up" for Hahaha. I crack myself up)
Mom: It’s only right that you at least send a card.
Me: What about Mari? She at least went to school with his niece. (will this conversation ever be over?)
Mom: I was hoping you would send something since they were nice enough to send something for Daddy’s funeral.
Me: Fine. Send me their address. (Damn it, I'm such a wuss. I just agreed to send an effing card to someone I don't even know. Someone kill me now!)
Between the guilt and the fact that my Mom is the NICEST person you’ll ever meet. I give in. Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be the middle child.