Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Boys Ya gotta love or kill them. You decide.

So the blessed Vodka Mom (my hero) gave me a couple of awards. In her post she expounded on some fundamental truths about boys.

Boys smell. (only until they discover girls. Then they shower 4 times a day & spend thousands of dollars a month in body wash.)

Boys break shit. (Boy, do they ever!)

Boys take things apart. (and never put them back together)

Boys will eat anything & everything. (then bring their friends over. Who will leave your house empty of all food stuffs and looking like the local trash dump. They’re like flipping locust!)

Boys are loud. (I’m sure I have permanent hearing loss in my right ear.)

Boys can’t keep their hands to themselves. (hence the broken shit.)

Her requirements for acceptance are as follows.

1. Holla at your boy...... (I've been waiting to say that since Project Runway ended...) So Done! As the boy was leaving the house this evening to meet up with the new girlfriend I holla’d “ put gas in the car. Drive carefully, Wear a condom!”

2. March their asses into the bathroom and show them how to put up the seat. Oh my God, have them wipe it off, first. I keep the Clorox wipes right next to the toilet. Does it help? NO! Does it improve their aim? I. Don’t. Think. So!

3. Find ONE shirt that doesn't have a stain on it. OMG! Find one shirt that has seen the inside of the washing machine!

4. Have them locate their shoes, take them to the laundry room and SOAK them in some kind of strong shit that will take out that smell. I refuse to get near the boy’s shoes. You can’t make me. Shoes and sheets. OMG! Their sheets! I don’t touch them. Ewwwww…….

5. Hug them very, very tightly, because THAT is the child that will never call you a fucking bitch. You are so right. He & his brother would never call me a fucking bitch. They also never use the “C” word in my presence. First off, it would never occur to them and second their dad would rap them up side the head.

I thank God everyday that I only had boys. JR wanted girls so bad he would have given his right nut for one. I figured that if I had to go through 9 months of pregnancy, gain 30 pounds, endure 12 hours of natural labor, spit out 7 pounds of baby at 3am without the aid of medication, and get squirted with pee because I didn’t know to throw a diaper over that thing then I should get a child that adored me.

I’d like to say that I’m sorry that JR didn’t get his girl but to tell you the absolute truth I’m not. Selfish I know.

So I’m accepting these awards with the honor that they deserve and the humor that they inspire. If you have boys grab up these awards and fulfill the requirements above. I dare you!



  1. FIRST....and

    Boys are flipping crazy, at least my two year old boy is.

    Oh wait, my three year old girl is crazy too.

    Kids are CRAZY.

  2. Boys smell, and after all the showering they get married and smell again.

    You did receive this award on my site, though I understand how you may have missed it. Still, I'm glad you found it anyway.

  3. I refuse to go near my son's shoes too. But I have trained him to put the toilet seat down when's he finished. (I trained my husband to do that too - only thing I've managed to get him to do too!!)

    Your hubby would seriously have 'given his right nut' for a girl?

    My husband was desperate for another boy. And my son was too. Now they've only got each other in a house full of females.

  4. The Captain is right the original award came from his site then passed again through Vodka Mom's site.

  5. I grew up in a family of girls-only, so even now, all these years later, married to a boy, I still find them alien.


  6. Hehehe, so nice of you to fill up the car and remind them to wear a condom. Ugh, I don't want to even think about the days when mine start dating... I wasn't the best kid around and I'm sure they'll be worse. Loved the list....

  7. Haha, we'll see if my son adores me or not! Right now he is all about Grammy. She can usually do no wrong. Although last night he did call her a "fool" which got him into time out. He's fickle like that.

  8. I have a girl and I'm very well aware of how easy they are when they are young and what a nightmare they become at around 12. If my kid gets to at least age 21 without telling me, "Ma, I'm pregnant", I will be a very happy person

  9. Boys are a different breed of humans!!! LOL Not one of the 5 around here put the seat down. Grr!
    Need advice on "training" them!

    Daryl wanted/wished/pleaded/begged for our last one to be a girl.

    It was so nice to meet you and JR!

  10. Boys are way easier than girls. No question... once you figure out the peeing thing with the diaper.

  11. Awesome! I've had better luck with girls, but I've only had one boy, so I'm probably not a good judge.

    Those are some stylin' awards! Stylin'. Can I say that? ;)

  12. I've got three boys and EVERY SINGLE ONE of those sounded familiar! How hard can it be to pee IN the toilet!

  13. Mum-Me: I think put to the test he would have given up that right one.

    Vodka Mom: Thanks

    Ellie: If you get them young they are partly trainable.

    Casey: I'm all about health & safety

    Heather: He'll learn where his bread is buttered.

    Bern: I lived in total terror.

    Kath: When you find that advice please, please pass it along.

    DeeMarie: I only got shot once. JR; whole different story. HaHa

    Goodfather: They are way stylin' Thank you and the Capt. for making them.

    Sammanthia: Not even floating Cheerios works.

  14. This is so true!!!!

    Congratulations on the award!!!!

  15. Your blog DOES have booty. Hell ya. Oh and that dude I dated DID spell like that. He has called me 6 times already today. Dear Lord....

  16. I raised two boys and two girls. The boys were NOT easier than the girls. I just closed the door into their rooms and let them live in their filth. One wasn't so bad but the other was horrid! I'm just glad they are grown and have little ones of their own. It's fun seeing them get their pay-backs!